Alright, not many people will admit to watching or even enjoying Al Franken on Saturday Night Live, but who could forget or fail to at least smirk whenever his trademark line is used: “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn-it, people like me.”
Well the character in this next skit is a little more dysfunctional then he was, but uses the same self-assuring statements to get the better end of the stick: Not Scary At All.
If you liked that (or hated it), then you’d probably like (or hate) these too: More Neat-O Animations. And some poignant ‘toons on paper.
Addendum: haha, I just watched his most recent on the FCC media consolidation bugaboo, it’s great (or sucks depending on your ability to laugh): FCC Minister of Information staring Michael Powell — and don’t miss: Department of Sexual Security.
I was checking one of my Hotmail accounts and found this (have to do it once a month or it is deleted and how else can I send flirtacious musings to mamacita’s anonymously?):
PLEASE I NEED YOUR HELP.
FROM: MRS MARIAM ABACHA
NO:28b ABACHA’S CRESCENT GIDADO ROAD
LAGOS - NIGERIA.
DEAR.PARTNER: COMPLIMENT OF THE SEANSONS TO YOU
It is my pleasure to contact you in a situation like this, i know that the content of this letter might be suprise to you, but even though we hardly know each other, i believe that you can help me.
I am Mrs. Mariam Abacha, the widow of the late Gen.Sanni Abacha former Nigerian Military Head of State who died mysteriously as a result of Cardiac Arrest.
Since after my husband’s death my family is underrestriction of movement and that not withstanding, we are being molested, policed and our Bank Account both here and abroad are being frozen by the Nigeria
Government.
Furthermore, my elder son is in detention by the Nigerian Government for more interrogation about my husband’s assets and some vital documents. Following the recent discovery of my husband’s Bank
Account by the Nigerian Government with Swiss Bank in which the huge sum of US$700 Million and DM450 Million was logged.
I therefore decided to contact you in confidence that l was able to move out the sum of US$30.8 Million Dollars, which was secretly sealed in two Metal Boxes for security reason and was deposited with a safe
deposit company in europe for safe Keeping.
Please do also visit these websites and read more about my late husband and you will understand what i am telling you.
http://www.cnn.com/resources/newsmakers/world/africa/abacha.html
http://odili.net/news/source/2003/jan/10/62.html
I therefore personally, appeal to you seriously and religiously for your urgent assistance to move this money into your country where l believe It will be safe since l cannot leave the country due to the
restriction of movement imposed on the members of my family by the Nigeria Government.
My lawyer will arrange all the necessary document papers that covers this consignment in order to liaise with you toward effective completion of this money out of the country in a secret vault through a
safe deposit company in Europe, and as soon as you Indicate your interest my Lawyer shall send you the contact information of the company together with seceret code of the consignment and other related documents that will help you claim the consignment.
Conclusively, we have agreed to offer you 25% of the total sum while 75% is to be held on trust by you until we regain our freedom from the Nigerian Government and also decide on a suitable business investment in your country subsequent to our free movement by the Nigerian Government.
Please reply urgently and treat with absolute confidentiality and sincerity.
Best Regards.
MRS.M.ABACHA.
I must’ve bumped into M.ABACHA back at the 3rd Annual Nigerian Email Conference. I know I shouldn’t, but here is my cordial, if off the cuff reply:
To: MRS MARIAM ABACHA,
Subj: Your Wish Is My Command
Dear Partneress: Compliment to the seansons to you too, all of them, including Springn and Wintern.
The pleasure is all mine and should mention that I’m ready at a moments notice, just say the word Coach. You are on the nail like always ABACHA, i was indeed surprised by the content of this email, but I think we connect at some sort of transcendental, platonic level that gives me that Ooo Ahh feel (not only at Matress Giant). i believe i can help you too.
I am Mr. Keyser Soze, the widower of the late Queen Latifah Shaniqua former Mauritian Tourism Head of State who died mysteriously as a result of an acute case of mononucleosis.
After my wife’s death my family I inherited a large sum of money as well, one that I can’t spend all by myself or know what to do with. I’ve been looking for honest organizations and individuals with integrity to look after this inheritance, and you sound just like the person I’m looking for. However, all of the money is currently being frozen because I failed to marry a living woman.
You did the right thing ABACHA, contact people you can trust and those you’ve known for a very long time. And about the money, all I can say is: wow, this world is truly small. Your $30.8 Million dollars is also stored in two Metal Boxes in europe? Fancy that, mine is too. Maybe we should get together sometime, throw a pow-wow, swap photos of our kids and maybe even have a cook-out.
Oh ABACHA, why are you trying to prove something that I know in my heart, the moment I clicked “Open” was destined to happen through fate? I believe you; trust me, no need to send me websites. I don’t want my money and I’ll do my best to help you move yours to a safe location.
Therefore, your personal appeal is duly noted and hereby accepted. I am also a man of deep faith with the almighty one(s). And I also think you’re on top of things, wanting to move your money to a place that will never be taxed, you really did your homework – sharp as a tack.
I’ve got an idea. I’ll get my team of lawyers to call your team of lawyers and they’ll do lunch. How does noon next Thursday sound? A little fast I know, but I want to get my money of out my hands as fast as possible and you sound like the kind of person that knows how to do that. I also appreciate the offer to liaise with me, it has been awhile since I’ve liaisen with a special someone, I’m not rusty or anything, but definitely out of practice. However, if you really want to liaise I can promise you, that you won’t be disappointed.
No need to talk ABACHA, you had me at hello. Tell your Lawyer that he shall not be disappointed with my contact information. And I absolutely love seceret codes. There was this one I memorized from this really cool endeavor called Contra, it went like so (don’t tell anyone): Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, A, B, start. And you wouldn’t believe it ABACHA, but that was worth more than words can describe – mountains of money even.
You are truly generous ABACHA, the Lord has blessed thee. I thank you once again for the opportunity to help you with your financial problems and your assiting me with my financial burden.
Please reply steadfastly and do not tell anyone about Fight Club.
Best Regards.
MR.K.SOZE.
I think I’ve watched waaaaay too many movies, I’ll let you know what kind of reply I get. Oh, and check out the Business Proposal Generator, lots of laughs there.
IMF Says Japan Must Increase Taxes To Restore Fiscal Health:
The International Monetary Fund (IMF) issued a stark assessment of the Japanese economy this week, warning that the country must rein in its debt by increasing taxes and accelerating economic reforms, if it is to emerge from its long economic malaise.
IMF First Deputy Managing Managing Director Anne Krueger told a news conference in Tokyo this week that: “This strategy will not be an easy one to follow as it requires difficult choices and may involve short-run economic costs.” She added: “There is not very much if any room for so-called fiscal stimulus. That in fact has been tried before and has perceptibly little effect.”
The IMF’s recommendations will not be welcomed by Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi, who recently dismissed the idea of increasing taxes to pay for a rapidly inflating social security and pension system. In particular, there has been much speculation recently concerning the outcome of the government Tax Commission’s review of the taxation system, and reports have indicated that a central plank of future tax reform should be a hike in consumption tax to help pay for social security costs.
However, the Prime Minister rejects such arguments and gave a robust response last week, telling the budget committee in the upper house that: “Consumer spending will help economic recovery, and that’s why I refuse to raise the consumption tax. To think about raising the tax is a task for people who take my place after I resign.”
Kreuger also observed that the fact that the Japanese national debt is approaching 150% of GDP- one of the highest levels in the industrialised world- was a “major cause for concern.”
And to think, just last week I was criticizing the State of Costa Rica for it’s tomfoolery and blinded approach to budgets and spending.
A quick refresher: to obtain material wealth without the use of force (aka, a normal transaction), requires some sort of exchange-compensation package. One that has arisen and that many individuals find useful (as seen through its ubiquitous popularity) is with a ‘universally commensurable‘ item (like a ducat). Now if I want to build a Maglev train but do not have the means or capability to do so, I could do any number of things. I could act like the State and: resort to force (”taxation”); resort to borrowing from a bank (in which I force the bank to lend at certain interest rates… or else); or I could print a bunch of notes with pictures of old fuddy duddies on them, tell other people the paper can be exchanged for goods and services, hold my breath and hope that they are gullible (I believe the premiere empirical case-study of this last option is seen in the North American continent starting at the end of 1913 and continuing today).
Moving along, the Japanese State enacted a series of traumatic policies (similar to those listed above) which took the Rising Sun and sank it into the depths of the North Pacific: さようなら (goodbye). Spending more than it was “making,” the State began deficit spending, a trend that continues today (a quick question to all the neo-Keynesians in the audience, if deficit spending is so beneficial, I was wondering if you personally spend and borrow as much as you can? Or is it unfair to use this micro example at a macro level?).
Then the Bank of Japan began to bail out failing businesses, propping them up and ignoring what the market is trying to explain: the businesses, for one reason or another, cannot hack it (similar to the airline industry here). Through subsidies and artificially low interest rates, these companies continued to stay alive (raise your hand if you’re a proponent of the ‘Liquidity Trap,’ nay).
I wish I knew more economist jokes, because now would be a perfect time to insert them. I mean, this “problem” is really simple (first one to call me a simpleton loses): the State spent more than it had, continues to do so - pays for this spending with inflation and ironically continues to bail out failing banks which are failing because of its own policies. And instead of taking off the beer (fiat) goggles, various politicians (they’re the same everywhere) continue promoting the same detrimental policies (hint to PM Koizumi, lower taxes but continued spending is nonsensical). In fact, I predict that Japan’s economy will continue to decline and contract unless State spending is halted and reversed (along with subsidies).
Of course, then a debate regarding what method and measuring stick you use to judge an economy as “healthy” or “unhealthy.” If you want to continue looking at a picture upside down, keep using the GDP as a ‘true’ indicator for the health of an economy. However, Contrarian Tim™ suggests that one look at just the opposite and pay close attention to long-term investing, not consumption, along with: spending habits, personal and corporate savings rates, balanced budgets, etc. to see just how healthy an economy is (of course, all of those can and have been adversely effected by regulations/taxation/etc.). The small print: capital depreciates as time goes buy, replacing capital requires investment, investment requires the accumulation of wealth, the accumulation of wealth requires markets willing and able to provide compensation for whatever you are trying to provide them with your depreciating capital goods, this illustrates the bare minimum needed to maintain, growth requires other factors. Any artificial outside party redistributing, regulating or otherwise fiddling with any of these steps can and will have adverse side effects that can ultimately lead to the demise of an entire economy.
Oh and it wouldn’t hurt to try something none of the State’s mentioned above have really embraced domestically and that is: free-trade, free-markets and just plain old Laissez Faire… but those are outmoded, right?
