Our War With France:
France wants America to sink in a quagmire there in the crazy hope that a weakened U.S. will pave the way for France to assume its “rightful” place as America’s equal, if not superior, in shaping world affairs.
I try not to post anything by politicians, policy wonks or any other charlatans on this blog, because I respect the level of intelligence, civility and wit of my audience. I thought however, what a better way to start the weekend than with the perfect example of hubris combined with jingoism.
Be afraid of le Gauls, they might be hiding under your bed or behind your clothes in your closet. As you read this, they could possibly be poisoning your water supply and are probably planning an invasion of Louisiana as we speak. And they are most assuredly going to sabotage the vernacular - sacré bleu!
Sounds like the classic case of who-gives-a-shit.
Tristan Louis pointed out that today is the day we’ve all been looking forward to: Friday. Arrrrr, a special Blackbeard-filled Friday. My Dallasite amigo, brykMantra also is celebrating the Arrrrr day with lots of booty call.
And to kick off this day of festivities I give you:
Top Ten Pickup lines for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day
(We came up with these in an effort to interest The Other Dave (Letterman) in TLAPD. His staff liked ‘em, but alas, his show is “dark” the week of Sept. 19.)
10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?
9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?
8. Come on up and see me urchins.
7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.
6. I’d love to drop anchor in your lagoon.
5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?
4. How’d you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?
3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.
2. Well blow me down?
And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day is …
1. Prepare to be boarded.
Scurvy be to all ye Windows Users and the top of the mornin’ to ya! (Yea, I have too much fun. I need a job).
And if the servers ever come back up, grab yerself a proper name. (Just call me Bloody Tom Kidd).
Eat your spinach!
- Angle-Grinder Man — I salute you. You’ve been nominated to the highly sought after place as the next plastic toy every boy wants to have — Up and Atom!
The question is, where was this mysterious crusader on September 21, 1997? That is when The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson aired, ushering in the Ninth season of everyone’s favorite animated sitcom.
Damn that boot on his fuchsia-ed car.
- Key Tronic E05305US205-C 104-Key Keyboard Win95 PS/2 L-Shape Enter Key: This isn’t any ordinary 104-Key Keyboard, it’s worth $1,000,000 and it’s on Amazon.com — I placed an order for five.
Some of the notable reviews:
Million dollar keyboard, September 18, 2003
Reviewer: Jonathan Bryson from Seattle, WA USA - I’m leasing this now from a retailer. This product is amazing and you guys should definitely follow in my footsteps. I think it is worth the million dollars. Best keyboard I have ever used, ever. The keys are just that comfortable to type on. Best 1 million dollars ever spent.
Best keyboard eva!!!, September 18, 2003
Reviewer: Eric Ness from Washington, DC USA
The wife yells at me a lot because of my spending habbits but, the million dollar keyboard offered by Office Depot is amazing.
Not what I expected, September 18, 2003
Reviewer: assassin13 (see more about me) from New Haven, CT United States
For $1 million dollars I expect quiet keystrokes and the ability to survive spilt soda. This keyboard didn’t leave up to the price. Better off saving $999,950 and buying a nice Logitech keyboard.
So what are you waiting for? Do your duty as a Keynesian and buy one for yourself and everyone you know. Except beatniks.
Lousy beatniks.
- Scotland: Monty Python fans flock to castle:
DOUNE, Scotland (AP) — Strange things happen to many a traveler while roaming the dark passages and chambers of Doune Castle. They are overcome with an irresistible urge to say silly things like “Bring out your dead!” and “We are the knights who say NI!”
The 14th-century castle was the location for much of the filming of the 1974 classic “Monty Python and the Holy Grail,” considered by devotees one of the funniest films ever made.
Doune Castle has become something of a shrine for Monty Python fans — a holy grail of its own.
They walk through the castle reciting lines from the movie, and looking for sites where specific scenes were shot — such as the battlement where John Cleese’s French soldier shouts down at King Arthur, “Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”
*Cough* I really liked that scene with all the voluptuous vestal virgins, what warm blooded male wouldn’t?
Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
- Hurricane Isabel: you’ve heard the phrase: “look on the bright side”? Well, the storm from the seas caused the storm of pesky vermin to adjourn early and leave productive members of society alone. Yes, the unimaginable happened – Senators, Congressman, policy wonks and the RIAA left en masse, like a collective Wicked Witch of the West fleeing from the purifying cleansing power of OxyClean: Statist Strength™. One can only hope this becomes a rule rather than exception.
In The Year 2000…
