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Yea, so I saw an early screening of Transformers tonight. I’d give it a C- or so.

The special effects were fantastic as they spared no expense in filling the various action sequences with eye-candy. And the trademark “transforming” sound reminded me of the older cartoon series from my childhood. Crystal clear, vibrant even.

However, would someone let Michael Bay know that his script and plot sucked.

They shouldn’t have used high school-aged kids as “super smart” NSA agents, let alone the main character.

The chemical romance was not believable and its contrived inclusion suggests that the producers were simply trying to cater to young women or rather, the producers didn’t want to alienate them.

Tabular rasa

If I had the task of creating the movie, I would have removed just about any human actor (including the invincible special forces unit), added hundreds of robots (instead of the paltry dozen showcased) and spent the two hours blowing up most of human civilization. Mix in the obligatory large-scale tank battles and maybe one or two sparring sessions on the high-seas and call it a day.

There were certainly better ways to hint at the upcoming spin-offs in development, such as attrition-based continental warfare that could last for hundreds of sequels in the years to come. But that would be too cool, right?

Besides, there is only so many times you can blow up the streets of NYC-lookalikes. Give it a rest. [Note: the Hoover Dam is nowhere near a "big city" as depicted in the final battle sequence; it certainly wasn't Las Vegas]

One thing can be said, this flashback ’80s remake was a helluva lot better than the recent “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” animated movie… which does not even deserve to be copied from BitTorrent.

If you want non-stop white-knuckle action, go watch Die Hard 4 or rent 300… both are riddled with tons of testosterone and heart-pounding adrenaline.

See also the original cartoon intro and the old school song mixed to the new movie.