Tim Swanson is the pen-name for the nationally syndicated tactless personality of Timothy D. Swanson. He is the author of 19 self-help books, 37 crossword puzzles and 4 haikus. Throughout the year he lectures at elementary schools, picket lines, flagpoles, harems and numerous other low-key locales about the dangers of running with scissors and double-dipping.
A self-professed relationship wizard and adept Casanova, he is the father of five or six wedlock children and has been married three times, all resulting in dramatic tabloid divorces.
As the original creator of the multi-level marketing business model, he revolutionized the mom-and-pop sales industry overnight. Through his keen insights on time preference he took this successful model and applied it to calling ordinary families during dinner time to peddle a cornucopia of wares.
A natural polymath, he is also a court appointed expert on bathroom graffiti and paper, rock, scissors mediation. Additionally, he holds several patents in the field of platform shoe repair, an up-and-coming industry of untold financial possibilities. Investors inquire within.
In his spare time he attends graduate school at Texas A&M University, studying within its world-class Sports Management program with the stated goal of bringing back the XFL.