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- A True Urban Legend: The state of Michigan threatened local beavers with a $10,000 per day fine for failing to remove their dam.
- A Real Auction on eBay: Winning bid receives an ass-kicking from ‘me’ personally.
- Space Projects from the Drawing Board: Daedalus and Longshot
- Donnybrook takes on Tyler Durden: New technology promises a thousand players per map in deathmatch
- And below is Anonymous Power, an odd compilation of clips synced to power-hour beats:

Just finished playing an intense double-header of slow-pitch softball. The mercy rule won.

A couple of neat posts from BoingBoing:

- Video of a Marx Brother (Corbaccio) playing the piano.  More on Vaudeville.
- Area man mistakes Onion story for reality — believe it or not, but this was not the first time this has happened. A popular Chinese newspaper also made the same mistake several years ago.

And if you missed it, Sploid has some good coverage of the blow-up space hotel that was successfully launched today.

This question alone has caused me many sleepless nights, but thanks to Freakonomics, I will rest peacefully again.

Ever heard of a guy named John Hertz… as in Hertz Rent-a-Car?

Speaking of Hertz, according to Paul Kedrosky, they are going public soon.

Would you swallow this camera-in-a-pill?:

Endoscopy is a generic term for minimally invasive surgery of any part of the body. Instead of a colonoscopy, which can make you feel very uncomfortable, with endoscopy surgery, very small instruments, such as cameras, are inserted through small incisions to operate with minimal damage to healthy areas. But until now, these cameras were out of control after you swallowed them. According to New Scientist, this is no longer true. Italian researchers have designed a new camera-in-a-pill which can move or stop according to what your doctors want to see and which is radio-controlled. Human trials should begin soon.

Here is how current cameras operate, according to New Scientist:

Existing camera capsules designed to take images of the intestine cannot be controlled externally, so they simply drift through the gut along with everything else. “It’s like watching the view from a train window,” says the bot’s developer, Arianna Menciassi of the Sant’ Anna School of Advanced Studies in Pisa, Italy. “If you see something of interest, there’s no way to turn back and get a better look.”

I seem to recall watching an old Disney sci-fi-esque movie from the ’60s that involved shrinking a crew of medical doctors, smaller than the size of blood cells - ala ‘Honey, I Shrunk the Kids‘ style. Their mission was to use some kind of “laser” technology to destroy some damage that was inhibiting a colleague’s brain (you would think that in the age when you could safely shrink a human to the size of a cell the technologists would also be able to insert a little robot which could do the same task).

The contrived white-knuckle drama involved the cliché Dr. Sparty Pants, who rashly left the miniaturized vessel (note: not only was the crew shrunk to microscopic proportions, but so was an entire mini-sub). He was randomly attacked by some white antibodies, though it was probably a hate crime because he was old and bald.

Anyways, everyone else escaped via the patients tear duct and were remagnified (sic), biggie sized or whatever the proper term is. So therefore don’t do drugs, stay in school.

40 Things That Only Happen In Movies

5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it’s the door to a burning building with a child inside.

13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade - at any time of the year.

Classes at A&M are cancelled for Friday. The football game has been moved from Saturday to Thursday (gotta love the love of football in Texas, we’ll play no matter what). One of my professors recently taught at the University of Florida and has lived through a number of these… his recommendation to all of us, leave for Dallas.

For those unfamiliar with the geographical proximity of College Station and A&M to anything else: we are approximately, 95 miles north of Houston and 170 miles south of Dallas and 100 miles east of Austin.

The current trajectory has Rita hitting just west of Galveston/Houston from which it will then head north, passing close to the College Station area. So that means lots of puddles to splash in and good weather to fly kites.

And to give you an idea of the size this sucker is, someone on the Weather channel suggested that this was like a tornado the size of Georgia. That’s how we like things in Texas, big.

Most of these links are simply for my own future reference though most of you would probably like them. Also, I hardly have any spare time as it is, so let me know if you think this girl is worth arguing with.

- Ivan Illich & Deschooling (check out the John Gatto article)
- On Atheism, Agnosticism, and Faith (pithy and poignant points)
- How to lose weight (the concept addressed is one that I promote)
- 100 Things We Learned This Year
- Greg Ferrando, You’re an Assface
- And If You Could Find Some Bodies, Too…

Drum roll please:

A woman hears from her doctor that she has only half a year to live. The doctor advises her to marry an economist and to live in South Dakota. The woman asks: will this cure my illness? Answer of the doctor: No, but the half year will seem pretty long.

Via Jeremy Hobelgobelsteinowitz.

One nation, purple or maybe plum, with goofiness for all:

But that doesn’t mean we have nothing in common. We must always remember that, as Americans, we all have a common enemy - an enemy that is dangerous, powerful and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government.

I speak from personal experience. For the past year, I have been hounded by an organization calling itself “the United States Department of Commerce,” which apparently is linked to the federal government.

Every few weeks, the “Department of Commerce” sends me a threatening letter, demanding that I fill out “the 2002 Survey of Business Owners and Self-Employed Persons (Form SBO-1 or SBO-2).” This is a questionnaire that asks, among other things, whether I am a Samoan. The “Department of Commerce” claims that I have to fill this out because of something that was in my federal tax return.

Dave Berry in his finest hour. (Via shonk)

The Graphing Calculator Story:

I used to be a contractor for Apple, working on a secret project. Unfortunately, the computer we were building never saw the light of day. The project was so plagued by politics and ego that when the engineers requested technical oversight, our manager hired a psychologist instead. In August 1993, the project was canceled. A year of my work evaporated, my contract ended, and I was unemployed.

I was frustrated by all the wasted effort, so I decided to uncancel my small part of the project. I had been paid to do a job, and I wanted to finish it. My electronic badge still opened Apple’s doors, so I just kept showing up.

If you have ever used a Mac, you have used this program. (Via Slashdot)

THE 10 BEST URBAN LEGENDS IN FILM HISTORY:

URBAN LEGEND #4. The suicide along the Yellow Brick Road.

The legend: A stagehand committed suicide during the filming of “The Wizard of Oz” by hanging himself from a tree in the haunted forest set. If you watch the film, you can see his body dangling in the background in the sequence where the Wicked Witch warns the Scarecrow and Tin Woodsman not to aid Dorothy.

Did it really happen? (Via DiVERSiONZ)

Try to stay sober tonight, at least while you are on the road. (SA image via Agnosiophobia)

I’m still waiting on more photos to come in from the trip, until then, here are some sucky-sucky bullets:

- Flight aborted after attack of feline terror - “A cat that escaped from its cage during a Belgian commercial flight this week managed to get into the plane’s cockpit, where it scratched a co-pilot, forcing the crew to turn back and make an unscheduled landing.”

- Crowning achievements: The MFA looks at the Olympics — and Mount Olympos - Juicy details on the Original Olympic games. Read it you uncultured swine.

- Giant mutant ant colony found in Australia - “A huge ant colony measuring 100 kilometres (62 miles) across has been found under the southern Australian city of Melbourne, scientists said.”

- In Praise of Cheap Labor: Bad jobs at bad wages are better than no jobs at all. - This seven-year-old article is by none other than Paul Krugman. Upon reading this, one wonders why he advocates economic interventionism. Via Cafe Hayek.

- Witty Quote of the Day - ‘Martyrdom’ is the only way a person can become famous without ability. — George Bernard Shaw

- Misogynist Quote of the Day - “There’s two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.” — Will Rogers

I’m flying out to Auburn to attend the Mises economics seminar thing, so don’t count on me for “turning japanese” material this week. Also, feel free to leave Erin and Katie a comment too.

- Francis Crick RIP: DNA structure’s discoverer gave shoulders to stand on - “Crick and Watson famously puzzled out in 1953 that molecules of DNA, which stands for deoxyribonucleic acid and which makes up the genetic code of every living thing, string together in the form of a double helix.”

- How my program passed the Turing Test - “So, it’s Tuesday 2nd May 1989, 8.12pm in Ireland. I’ve logged out and gone off with my girlfriend, leaving Eliza (or “MGonz” as I called it) to mind the fort. So some guy on the Net decides to call me up for a chat. Someone from Drake University, Iowa, USA (the node DRAKE on BITNET) where it is early afternoon. He stays talking until 9.39pm Irish time, unaware that no one is at home. You could say therefore that my program passed the “Turing Test” (see What is the Turing Test?).”

- Iraqis pump, flex to honor Schwarzenegger - “It was the governor of California’s 57th birthday, and thousands of miles away in blisteringly hot Baghdad members of the Arnold Classic gym celebrated too, staging what they said was the country’s first postwar bodybuilding competition.”

- What is Lucid Dreaming? - “[L]ucid dreaming is simply dreaming while being aware you are dreaming. You can think of lucid dreaming as being conscious while dreaming. If, by chance, during a dream it suddenly dawns on you that you are dreaming, then you have experienced a lucid dream, regardless of whether you have been able to attain control of your dream.”

- AllofMP3.com - You can get entire albums for $2-3 in a number of different formats (including MP3, WMA, OGG AAC, etc.).

So the results came back, I’m not pregnant. Neither is she. Score one for modern science.

- Oscar-Winning Composer Jerry Goldsmith Dies in L.A. - Goldsmith’s widow, Carol, told Reuters her husband always refused to choose a favorite among his works saying, “My favorite score is the one I haven’t written yet.” Via J.H. Huebert.

- John Carmack: “This sucks.” - “Creative is allowing id to use the patented algorithm for free. Except, of course, for the deal to integrate the EAX technology into the Doom 3 engine. Some analysts are going as far as to openly speculate that this deal amounts to blackmail — with patent in hand, Creative could easily have caused a legal quagmire for id Software. What’s really irritating about this situation is that the issue is not about the patented code itself — Creative’s patent covers a similar technique, and they are using that patent to lay claim to the idea of Carmack’s Reverse.”

- Political Joke of the Day - Peat needs to start titling his entries with witty headlines comprised of ’80s lyrics.

- Hawking changes his mind on black holes - “After almost 30 years of arguing that a black hole swallows up everything that falls into it, astrophysicist Stephen Hawking backpedaled Thursday. In doing so, he lost one of the most famous bets in recent scientific history.”

- Quantum leaps - “But science, ever fluid and open to review, might yet take Hawking into another reversal; some physicists question whether he has really disproved his 1975 argument. So he could be the star of a future conference, coming forward again to tell the world: I was wrong about being wrong.” Note: this is not the same story as above but rather a kick in the pants to Mr. Hawking for acting like only “the great Hawking can prove his own error.” Props to Margaret.

- SKANKS, PARTY GIRLS AND SCANDALOUS WOMEN - “Here we may have the first reference I’ve seen to the diminishing marginal utility of relationships. If you have enough relationships–especially physical encounters–they soon decline in importance?”

I went autocrossing this past weekend with some friends from Dallas and took some pictures (it was a TAMSCC event). I’ll try to put them up sometime, in the meantime here are some droppings to keep you busy with:

- How-To Turn your iPod in to a Universal Infrared Remote Control - Phillip Torrone created a step-by-step tutorial on doing just as the title suggests: taking your iPod and cramming the functionality of your TV, DVD Player, Direct TV, Ultimate TV PVR, Media Center PC, Xbox, XM Radio and the kitchen sink into it.

- Council bans goldfish bowls - Council official Giampietro Mosca states resolutely that, “A fish kept in a bowl has a distorted view of reality…and suffers because of this.” [jerk off motion]

- Extreme Engineering: Transatlantic Tunnel - “A magnetically levitated train could theoretically take you from New York to London in 54 minutes. But you’d have to go 5,000 mph through a 3,100-mile-long tunnel that was itself floating in the Atlantic Ocean. How might that work?” MacGyver would simply use a stick of gum and a paperclip to divert the magnetic poles into… Via Mahalanobis.

- Girl goes back to school with Gateway and Dell - The model is quite the two-timer.

- Space Science Pioneer Van Allen Questions Human Spaceflight - Supporters of human spaceflight “defy reality and struggle to recapture the level of public support that was induced temporarily by the Cold War,� van Allen charges.

- You rock my small, self-center universe - Will, the Idiot, linked to some shirts that are cool to look at, but not to wear (as BNH would say, “Girls will still sense that shit 20 years later”). Just say no to cock-blockery.

- Which Annoying B-list Celebrity Are You? - They should add the Chuck Norris personality to the list of possibilities. Via please don’t eat me!

So I found a couple of the links I wanted to impart my knowledge to you with:

- Bitpim - This is basically a free open-source workaround to send and receive data to your cell phone without having to pay your provider any $$$. In the words of Justin Otis, “It’s freaking sweet.”

- Reality TV hits home in Baghdad - A new reality show dubbed “Labor and Materials” partakes in the rebuilding of Baghdad (similar to Extreme Home Makeover which I have to admit is a pretty swankin’ show).

- The Methuselah Foundation - “Promoting Research to Extend the Healthy Human Lifespan.” The foundation put together a cash-prize contest in which whomever is able to keep a Mus musculus (generic lab mouse) alive the longest wins big money (and no wammies). It’s a fairly novel and innovative endeavor at tackling the disease known as “ageing.” [Get it off, it wrinkles!]

- Meteor clue to end of Middle East civilisations - “SCIENTISTS have found the first evidence that a devastating meteor impact in the Middle East might have triggered the mysterious collapse of civilisations more than 4,000 years ago.”

- Marathon Man: Astronomer Sleuths Revise Date of Ancient Run - It’s the BC equivalent to Y2K. Sparta was using a different calendar system than Athens was, therefore a month was lost in the process. As a result, everyone lost their virginity.

- Ancient Olympians: not exactly heroes - “While the Olympics’ 3 000-year history is dotted with the heroic champions like the wrestler Arrhichion who fought to the death, researchers say they also were plagued by cheating, scandal, gambling and outsized egos.” Via Lying Luke.

- Monkey Apes Humans by Walking on Two Legs - “A young monkey at an Israeli zoo has started walking on its hind legs only - aping humans - after a near death experience, the zoo’s veterinarian said Wednesday.” Dude, check out the pic below, kind of freaky deaky like that ET home video scene in Signs.

SuicideGirls, I first bumped into this site a month or two ago and didn’t think much of it at the time; just another portal of slutty teenie boppers looking for an outlet to vent their self-loathing ineptitudes.

I’m wrong of course. As of this writing Technorati ranks the journals of Erin and Katie in the top 100 of the blogosphere based upon the number of inbound links to each blog. Dumbfounded, I reread their various disjointed posts consisting of:

i’m super lonely lately tho. my friend trev is gone for eeeever on tour now, i’m really happy for him, he just got signed to a great band, but i will miss out jamba juice and movie nights and long talks. a lot of my friends are gone a lot. it makes me sad. i miss ann, and robin, and amina, and the “chidders”
i miss brandan tons, tho he prolly doesn’t believe me. i miss smelling angl for men all over myself, and feeling sore in weird places. i miss a lot of things. i was looking at calanders, and i’ll se him in 2 weeks, then not again for over a month. we shall see tho.
stupid heart. i let it off it’s leash and it got hit by a car again. cpr! cpr! i think that there still may be hope yet.

And this euphonic gem:

If you can’t tell, I’m feeling pretty blah. Like, physically and mentally well and everything but almost like you would expect to feel on antidepressants. Apathetic. People talk to me but I only half hear them and guess at what I should say in reply. Does anyone else feel like that? If only I could remember something I felt passionately about….

Wow, granted I post a lot of random tangental crap about phallic images, but Prozac tweedledee and tweedledumb take the cake. It’s like a parfait blend of whiny LiveJournal goths and skanky cam whores. Actually, in all honesty I really just wanted an excuse to say cam whores in a post because I wanted to be one when I grew up. I’m jealous.

Because I’m officially infected with the disease obesity, I can now earn subsidies and browse the blogosphere simultaneously (thanks to Government in a Bottle):

- My Best of Mac OS X Software - undercasephiliac john at inluminent shares his favorite wares to world + dog (windows)
- Half of Cell Phones Will Be RFID-Enabled by 2009 - Technojunkie Roland Piquepaille (of ProBlogs fame of course) outlines the capabilities of our good friend RFID and where it is headed
- A New Issue of “The Daedalus Project” - If you play or follow MMORPG news the latest issue offers yet more content synthesized by the ongoing survey
- Yet another Blog Survey - Ozzie Richard Giles gives us the 411 on an academic survey of the blogosphere
- Dark Horse on the Third Ballot - Interested in 3rd party behind-the-scenes drama? Well, regardless of whatever your non-me-centric views are, R.W. Bradford illustrates the bittersweet metamorphosis that occurred at the recent LP Convention
- Merriam-Webster`s Flappers 2 Rappers: Youth Slang - “An entertaining and insightful look at the creative use of language by teens through the years. Learn the history of slang — words and phrases that became popular in each decade of this century.”
- Engadet - The Doctor Recommended site of the day, neat-o gizmos and widgets for you consumer whores
- Ipso Facto - Latin Phrase of the day; “Whatever the captain does is right ipso facto [i.e. because it is done by the captain], and any opposition to it is wrong, on board ship.”

Last night I moved back down to College Station for a grad internship this summer so I’ll be on and off throughout the week. Here is an amusing post I noticed over at Media Dystopia:

I didn’t want to be rude. If you’re in a Chinese restaurant — in this case, one in Markham, just north of Toronto — and deep-fried pigeon is prominently listed on the menu, is it polite to ask whether it’s local? I’m curious as to whether Canada has a thriving import market for pigeon when the bird — and its shit — is so abundant here. If so, is there anti-foreign-pigeon lobby working behind the scenes in Ottawa? Is there a crafty Canadian black market attempting to thwart the overseas pigeon cartels? Do young children supplement their allowances with homemade pigeon traps? Interesting questions all, but as the chances of me keeping a straight face while asking about the dish were slim to none, I skirted the issue altogether by ordering some less thought-provoking fowl: crispy chicken with black-pepper sauce and rice. (It was delicious.)

This sugar free post is brought to you by mellifluous, because that’s how Craig Kilborn described Patrick Stewart’s voice.

- Three Positions on Intellectual Property Rights - “However, “intellectual” goods are not like the usual sort of goods. If I use your car, you cannot simultaneously use it. But if I use your idea, you are not thereby prevented from using it. You know when someone has stolen your car, but it may be years or never before you realise that they have “stolen” your idea. Ideas are not scarce.” (Via ibergus)

- Reagan’s Death “The Perfect Diversion” - Washington D.C. - White House officials denied today that President Ronald Reagan died last week in an effort to divert public attention from scandals surrounding the Bush administration.

- Dane considers porn fringe benefit - “An IT company in Nordjylland, Denmark has introduced a novel program to keep employees satisfied. After examining well-known trends in Internet and business traffic, LL Media decided it would be sensible and appreciated to offer all of its employees free subscriptions to Internet pornography.”

- Database Nation: Looking on the Bright Side of ‘Zero Privacy’ - May 4, 2004 — As subscribers pull the June Reason magazine out of their mailbox, something about the issue should look familiar. The magazine published 40,000 individualized covers displaying an aerial photo of the subscriber’s home and the surrounding neighborhood.

Lastly, I finally got invited for the Gmail beta, by David no-less. I’ll be sure to give out my invitations to the highest bidders — I also accept Timoguapos.

Day 10 of the content-lite blog diet. Atkins, eat your heart out.

- Chinese scientists find 1st fossil embryo - “Scientists in China have discovered a fossil thought to be more than 120 million-years-old containing an embryo of a flying reptile that lived alongside the dinosaurs.”

- The Unsolvable Math Problem - “A student arrives late to math class and finds two problems written on the chalkboard. Assuming they’re homework problems, he jots them down in his notebook and works on the equations over the next few days before turning his solutions in to the instructor. Several weeks later, the professor turns up at the student’s door with the student’s work written up for publication. The two problems were not a homework assignment; they were problems previously thought to be unsolvable which the instructor had used as examples in his lecture that day.”

- Stendhal’s syndrome (sten.DAWLZ sin.drum, -drohm) n. Dizziness, panic, paranoia, or madness caused by viewing certain artistic or historical artifacts or by trying to see too many such artifacts in too short a time.

Apparently Monsieur Louis suffered from this cultural debilitating disease. Maybe the French Connection has something to do with it.

My laggard, sweat-free stroll produced a few gems today.

- Kangaroo Next in Line to Have Genes Mapped - “The kangaroo will join dogs, people and mice in having all its genes mapped, U.S. and Australian scientists said on Tuesday.”

- George Bush Likens Iraq to Windows ME, New Coke and Pluto Nash - “AIR FORCE ACADEMY, Colo. - Likening the Iraqi war to long list of other American backfires, President Bush urged support Wednesday for his efforts to spread freedom and democracy in the Mideast despite the angry distrust of many Arabs, Europeans, Canadians, a few Chinese, part of Australia, more Canadians, and a good part of America.”

- Why the FCC should die - “It’s time to abolish the Federal Communications Commission. The reason is simple. The venerable FCC, created in 1934, is no longer necessary. Its justification for existence was weak 70 years ago, but advances in technology since then have eliminated whatever arguments remained. Central planning didn’t work for the Soviet Union, and it’s not working for us. The FCC is now an agency that does more harm than good.”

- Grace for Freethinking social democrats - “For what we are about to eat, may we be truly grateful. Thanks to the Food and Drug Administration and the Environmental Protection Agency for ensuring the food we eat is healthy and safe. Thanks to the Department of Transportation for the roads on which the food is shipped to us, and to the Department of Justice for ensuring nobody makes a food monopoly that would price it out of our reach. And, of course, thanks to the court system and the various election boards that keep the whole system honest. In the name of the president, the veep and the almighty congress, Amen.”

Damn that last one was a doozy. God bless gubmint and baby Jesus.

As I am fat I could only take a brief walk around the blogosphere today.

- Earn Your PhD While Playing Games - It’s like getting paid to play Nintendo. How cool is that?

- What’s Google’s Secret Weapon? An Army of Ph.D.’s - Speaking of PhD’s, guess who hires guys that did their dissertation on the physical effects of Up, Up, Down, Down on the cheat-code subculture?

- Mastercard Priceless Parodies - You’ve probably seen a number of these pictures before, a couple new ones I thought were lolable.

- Couple’s joy at ‘deep freeze’ baby - The kicker: the sperm that fertilized the egg was 21 years old. That’s what I call one bitchin’ hang over. (Via Julius)

- Last widow of Civil War veteran dies - Speaking of 21, this gal married an 81-year old Confederate veteran by the name of William Jasper Martin, when she was 21. They met, got twitterpatted and the rest was history. (Via Karen)

- Potty-Mouthed Programmers - If you’re ever really bored one day, instead of just reading my blog, read the comments of the Linux kernel. There you can pick up all sorts of geek vernacular juxtaposed euphonic swear words.

- Job Titles of the Future - I like the sound of Creatologist and Animation Skeptic. Though Director of Fun has a certain mesmerizing ring to it. (Via ibergus)

Now here’s where all two of my audience members get to guess as to what this alien insect (on the left) is in the photo. (Via Fulton Chain):

Chirp chirp, creak creak