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In my short tenure in Seoul I was the head speaking instructor at a large multi-campus prep school that was tasked with a pedagogy project (teaching teaching to teachers). While it probably won’t entirely make sense to you, here is a goofy presentation I gave one day to a group of fellow foreigners who were supposed to become effective interviewees.

I hope you are imbued with its magical powers like the woman who recently interviewed Mark Zuckerberg:

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In short, it is nothing like Baby Boy Da Prince’s song.

Every lunch I try to eat some local native food here.

While the noodley (sic) look and feel will not be entirely foreign to anyone that eats a lot soup and pasta, the spice factor is out of this world.

Visitors really have no need to buy any kind of decongestant as your nasal cavity is probably unaccustomed to the intense levels of heat that enters your mouth.

Kimchi is pretty much the primary staple in a diet here — it automatically comes with most meals whether you want it or not.

It basically looks and tastes like white lettuce that is inebriated with tabasco sauce. It’s actually fermented cabbage that has been aged and is dosed in a healthy helping of chili peppers.

The other staple is actually a beverage that tastes like a blend between Russian vodka and Japanese Saki called Soju.

It is watered down sugarized Ethanol that really needs to be drunken with a mixer (Sprite, OJ, Coke, etc.) and is consumed at many meals (especially dinner).

And on that note, apparently you’ll never be arrested for vagrancy or PI here.

So I was buying some salted peanuts at one of the million convenience stores around here and this guy dressed as a buddhist monk — robe and all — strolled in.

He must have smelled Westerner or something because he started banging his little pot and chanting alien incantations — and then asked me for some money.

And he’s not the only guy with an unconventional approach to raising funds around here.

Like a rock

There is that one lady, a middle-aged mom who rides the subway line through the Bundang area.

I see her everyday at the same time and like the vibrant colors of a peacocks feathers, every muscle in her face tells the peanut gallery that she means business.

So while other patrons of the subway are content to sit in their chairs, watching TV on their itty bitty phones, she wastes no time in hawking a slew of wares.

Toting two plastic crates strapped to a stroller she makes her way up and down the aisles. Like an auctioner at a flea market or an orator in an ampitheter, she tries to command the attention of everyone.

And as far as I have seen, she has failed every time.

If the Bud Light announcer guy lived here, he would certainly salute her tenacity and energy towards selling corn on the cob, yellow panchos, and a sundry of other unwanted goods.

So crack open a cold one amigo, because rain or shine she’ll be at it again tomorrow, and you’ll still act like you’re deaf and dumb.

So one of the more ironic moments in business practices throughout Seoul is that while many bars and clubs literally stay open all night, all banks are closed on the weekends.

I’m not sure if this has to do with any particular law (like Blue Laws in the South) but it doesn’t seem like a very efficient way at reaching customers who may be unable to visit bank locations during normal business hours.

Other interesting things:

- I haven’t seen anyone with a smartphone, PDA, or Blackberry which is also an observation noted in a recent NY Times piece; I also haven’t seen either the Ultra Smart F700 or SCH-B450 mentioned in the piece

- PC Bangs are all over the place, probably even moreso considering I can’t understand 99% of the signs; most of them have game posters hanging from doors (e.g., World of Warcraft)

- Gyms exist, but they are nestled away in seemingly hard to find areas. The one that I visited last night requires men to wear blue shirts and women to wear red. Just like these guys found out. And it is relatively pricey compared to the health clubs in the West (e.g., $60/month here versus $30 at either Gold’s Gym or 24 Hour Fitness)

- Konglish is prevalent everywhere, it is basically bastarized English used in haphazard ways (e.g., “Rice Burger”)

- Smoking is apparently über cool as everyone does it, especially young adults

- The drivers are perhaps the most aggressive ones I have ever met. Red light does not mean stop, it is perfectly normal to park on sidewalks, and honking on the horn is used liberally. Oh and double parking is very much en vogue.

- I haven’t seen a fat person and sunlight is persona non grata

So I took that advice literally two days ago and moved to Seoul, South Korea.

Seriously.

I’m actually typing this message in one of their notorious PC bang (internet cafe) where all the guys play Starcraft and Counterstrike while their girlfriends sit next to them and use Cyworld (it’s like MySpace).

Anyways, I’ll be here for a year or so, teaching conversational English. I’ll discuss the motivations for moving in the next few days, after I finish eating lots of dog, which they really do eat as a cuisine.

Tangental tangents

Oh, and one of the odd parts about the flight was due how the earth turns, it is actually faster to fly through Canada, Alaska, and Russian airspace.

While I knew we would go through the first two, my brain raised a red flag regarding the Russian aspect due to remembering a not-so-awesome incidence during the ’80s in which a commercial jumbo jet, KAL 007, was “accidentally” destroyed by Soviet fighters.

And then our flight plan from Japan called for a northern approach to Incheon airport, which reminded me of the other fateful Sino-missle disaster 30 years ago: KAL 902.

The only disappointment so far is no one uses flying cars. What a let down.